You've Got the Love
by FlyingPigMonkey
Summary: "He had begged her not to come. He had begged her not to help. He had pleaded that she stay away. Hawke was the Champion of Kirkwall, a great hero to many, and by her fiddling with an apostate put all that in jeopardy." Anders/F!Hawke  HIATUS
1. Twilight

AN: This is my first story, so please leave reviews! This story is based off my first play through of Dragon Age 2 and takes place after the events at Kirkwall. WARNING SPOILERS! Rated M for later. I do not own the rights to Dragon Age or any of it's characters, I'm just a fan-girl. :) Also, I huge thank you to my sisters, xxignoredxx and Wasabi-san, for helping me get this down in a cohesive fashion and for putting up with my constant questions!

10-1-11: I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS STORY! Life has just gotten away from me and I was having trouble getting inspired. At school I didn't have the game with me, but now I do. I've gone though and cleaned up what has been posted so I can get started on writing the next chapter. I do have a rough outline, so I hope it won't take more than a couple weeks to get the next chapter up. Thank you to all those that have stuck with me on this!

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><p>They had been running for days. Hawke knew that once the Kirkwall city guard had pulled itself back together a massive manhunt would sweep across the Free Marches. It seemed as if there was no where safe.<p>

It was still a long way to the closest city in the Imperium, the only country in Thedas where mages were free. Tomorrow they would come in sight of Tantervale, signaling that they were close to the border. If she couldn't catch any food when they stopped for the night, there would be no choice but to venture into the city for supplies. She could only hope that word of what happened in Kirkwall hadn't spread that far yet.

To make matters worse, Justice had been acting up. A couple times now Hawke had needed to talk Anders down after he had gone off about how they shouldn't have to be running. Every time the mage would start, Justice would come out threatening to turn back around and kill every last Templar in Kirkwall along with anyone who got in his way. And every time, he would only calm down when Hawke held his face in her hands and forced him to look into her bright green eyes. So far it had worked, but each time it took longer for Anders to return. They needed to figure out something soon before Justice became too defiant.

Hawke had been having nightmares every night about Kirkwall, though she could never tell Anders. All those innocents killed in a bloody uprising the mages of the Circle carried out against the Templars; the Chantry being blown up, killing everyone inside including the Revered Mother; the streets so soaked in blood that it was hard to keep your footing. And to think she was harboring the man responsible. Hawke knew what Anders did was extreme, even wrong, but she loved him and she understood how he could revert to something so drastic. The Champion also knew that if Justice wasn't joined with Anders that he could never have done anything to hurt anyone. Hawke could still see through the monster to the man who was trapped inside.

As they reached the top of a ridge, they stopped to make camp. Anders could just make out the cityscape of Tantervale along the horizon. He quickly set to work putting up a tent as night would be approaching soon. Hawke grabbed the longbow she had bought off a merchant along the road out of Kirkwall. Even though she was a trained rogue, she had never touched a bow before and had not had much luck so far in providing food. She sighed as she gazed down at it, knowing she had to try.

Hawke headed towards a small wooded area nearby to look for some small game. Anders watched her leave, wishing that he could be the one to take care of them. Nothing had been said since his last episode a couple hours before; Hawke hadn't even cast a single glance in his direction. He had shoved her to the ground before he had been able to take back control from Justice. It had frightened him. Anders had never laid a hand on Hawke before and he had never wanted to let that happen. When Justice took over, he had no control of what he did. It was like he was watching everything happen through a daze and couldn't fully realize what was going on until it was all done.

He had begged her not to come. He had begged her not to help. He had pleaded that she stay away. Hawke was the Champion of Kirkwall, a great hero to many, and by her fiddling with an apostate put all that in jeopardy. She could have had a normal life in Kirkwall. She could have a normal family by now with someone who was not possessed. Anders had warned her that she would be throwing away any chance at that life by being with him, but she had made her choice. It was too late to change her mind now.

As the mage muttered a spell to assemble the tent, he wondered to himself. _Does she regret staying with me? Is she just staying because there is no other option? Is that why she can't look me in the eye? _The idea made him sick, but he couldn't think of anything else. _I would have rather died back in Kirkwall than to live knowing I let her make the biggest mistake of her life. _

After looking around near by and only gathering a small amount of wood, Anders threw it in a pile and sat down in front of it. The farther north they had been getting, the warmer it was at night, so he just got a small fire going for now. A quick spell and the wood was aflame. _At least I have some use._ He smiled to himself, but it was gone as quickly as it had appeared.

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><p>Half an hour later, Hawke appeared empty handed. "Put that out. We can't have a fire this close to the city," she snapped with a frown, throwing her longbow on the ground. Immediately the fire disappeared and they were plunged into twilight. Hawke turned to look at what was left of the sunset and walked to the edge of camp as Anders got up and stood next to her.<p>

"We're almost there. Maybe two days and we will be across the border."

"We are still at least another week away from Perivantium and we're short on supplies. I'll have to go into Tantervale tomorrow." Hawke still wouldn't look at him.

"I'm going with you." Anders took her hand without looking away from the horizon. He had not seen the sunset since arriving in Kirkwall and had almost forgotten its beauty.

The Champion turned sharply to face him, snatching her hand back. Anders didn't move. He knew what was coming. "Are you mad? If word has traveled this far yet, you're face is going to be plastered everywhere! I can slip in and out quickly without being recognized but I can't hide you."

"And what if you are recognized? You would be killed just as quickly as me. There would be no way you could fight your way out of there alone. We didn't come this far just be separated within sight of freedom." Anders looked at her, cupping her face in his hand. Her cheek was noticeably wet and warm. _When did she start crying?_ This time Hawke did not pull away. They had been so focused on fleeing that they had little time for anything else and she missed his touch. "I'm not going to loose you. We will go into the city tomorrow together." His tone was soft, but left no room of further discussion.

Hawke was glad. She didn't want to argue with him. She was exhausted from running and hadn't eaten in several days. They had bought some dried boar from the traveling merchant and scavenged some berries, but the plains of Free Marches offered little vegetation and Hawke was no hunter. While trying to hunt today, she found that she couldn't stop crying. It was like everything that had happened was just now hitting her and she was unable to control her emotions for the first time.

Sobs took her over. She would have fallen to the ground had Anders not caught her. He sat them down and Hawke crumpled into his chest. He held her there, letting her cry into his robes. The only other time Anders had seen her cry was after her mother was killed, but even then it was no where near this hard. It made him feel uneasy. What if he was right? _No. I can't think about that now._

He turned his attention back to Hawke. They sat like that until the light from the sun was almost completely gone. Eventually her breathing became more rhythmic and calmed. Before the mage knew it, Hawke sat up and quickly wiped her face.

"So, mid-morning we shall go into Tantervale together. We will need to have everything packed up with us, just in case we need to get out of there quickly."

Anders could barely make out her face, but she sounded as if nothing had happened. Even with his mind reeling with questions, he was too tired to prod her when she seemed to be calming down. "Alright, sounds like a plan."

They stood up; Hawke took his hand and led him to the tent. Anders helped her remove her armor then removed his robes. They collapsed into sleeping bags and held each other as they sank into sleep.


	2. A Cure

AN: This is my first story, so please leave reviews so I can improve! This story is based off my first play through of Dragon Age 2 and takes place after the events at Kirkwall. WARNING SPOILERS! Rated M for later. I do not own the rights to Dragon Age or any of it's characters, I'm just a fan-girl. :)

10-1-11: This has now been fixed up :D

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><p>As the sky began to lighten, they awoke and packed up their tent. Hawke had found a small pond in the tree patch and they managed to clean most of the dirt off each other and their clothes. She rubbed some of the ash left over from Anders' small fire into his scalp to darken his golden hair and he left it down.<p>

Leaning over the pool, she applied a small amount of her mother's old makeup to cover her facial tattoo. It wasn't large, a couple ribbons sweeping under her right eye, but it had been a way for people to recognize her back in Kirkwall. Hawke hesitated, remembering with a small smile. "Did I ever tell you how I got my tattoo?"

Anders looked up from his pack. "No, I don't think you ever did but I can guess that you had been drinking. Right?" he said with a smile.

"Oh, you know me too well!" She laughed and turned back to the makeup. "It was the night before the battle at Ostagar. A couple of my friends from Lothering and I were drinking in a makeshift tavern. We were all full of mead and decided that we needed to find a way to look fearsome to the Darkspawn horde. Someone came up with the idea that we should get facial tattoos and, of course, we all thought it was a great idea. Not only would we be fearsome, but it would be a good trophy of the battle. So we mixed up some ash and bog water from the Wilds-"

"Maker!" A horrified expression overtook Anders' face. "Do you have any idea what's in that water? You probably caught something!" His eyes widened even more, threatening to pop out of their sockets, "And I've got what ever IT is!"

Hawke began to laugh, "You're fine. There wasn't anything in the water. And even if there was, you've performed so many healing spells on both of us that you've likely got rid of it already." But Anders was already performing some quick spells on them both.

"Just in case," He felt a little better, but not much.

"Anyway, after mixing up the ink and finding an old sewing needle, we took turns holding each other down. When my turn came, a lot of people in the tavern hushed to watch. I was the only woman getting one and I guess it was quite scandalous because Vincent asked me if I was sure I wanted one. He didn't really like the idea of having to be the one to give me mine. At first he outright refused!" Anders saw her eyes go distant as Hawke remembered Vincent's face. It was the same look she had given him the first time he told her that he loved her.

"We're you two together?" Part of him didn't want to ask, but he had to know.

Hawke snapped out of her memory and looked at him. "No. Nothing that official, but I'm sure that if the battle had turned out differently we would have been married eventually. I watched them all die before Carver made me run with him back to Lothering." She went back to covering her face.

"That's not what I meant."

He watched her quickly tense up before catching herself. "Anders, that was over nine years ago. Please don't tell me you're jealous of a dead man."

He had gotten his answer, though he was more disgusted with himself for asking. Anders walked over to Hawke and turned her to face him. "I'm sorry." He let out a small chuckle when he saw her face up close.

The bleached powder had lightened the olive skin of her face into an unnatural pale while her neck was left untouched. It still amazed him how unlady-like such a beautiful woman could be. "Let me help you with that." The mage washed her face and lightly added a little powder just to her tattoo. You could still see it, but with her hood up you would really have to know what you were looking for. "That looks better."

"Thank you. I've never been very good with makeup." The Champion then let down her hair. It was almost the same blonde as Anders', cut just below her shoulders. Normally she kept it in a high ponytail with some stands escaping the front.

"Hey, before we go into the market, could we stop by the Circle?"

Hawke's jaw dropped. _Is he mad?_ "Why would you ever want to stop there?"

"The Tantervale Circle is the largest location for magical research outside the Imperuim. I've heard a rumor that one of their main focuses is how to separate a demon from a mage."

"You mean….a cure for becoming an Abomination? Is that even possible?"

"I don't know if it's true, but it wouldn't hurt to ask."

The rogue thought on this for a moment. "It's going to be crawling with Templars. If anywhere in the city knows about Kirkwall, it would be the Circle."

"I know, and I know that it may be easier to find help in the Imperuim, but I don't want to hurt you again."

"Anders, I'm fine-"

"You're fine right now, but every time Justice gets angry he's becoming harder for me to control. The boarder is still a couple days away. I'm afraid of what could happen between now and then. Please, I don't know how I could ever live with myself if…" He couldn't finish. His eyes filled with tears that threatened to fall.

"Okay. We can't say who we are. If something goes wrong, we won't be able to buy supplies for the rest of our journey."

"I know. Thank you." A small smile crept across the mages face as he wrapped his arms around the Champion. She rested her head on his chest. Neither of them wanting to move, they stood together for several minutes.

Finally, Hawke stepped away. "We need to get going."

She double checked their packs to make sure they had everything while Anders rapped his staff in his sleeping bag so it wouldn't be as noticeable. They then slung on their cloaks and packs. There was still a couple miles to cover before they hit the road into Tantervale. Anders wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. Even though he had told Hawke he was sure that they had beat the news spreading, he knew that it likely wasn't true.

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><p>The Tantervale Circle was located just outside the city walls. It was a tall tower that reminded Hawke of the Circle in Ferelden, though it had a much larger base. There was a thick stone wall surrounding an inner courtyard that was filled with Templars. Anders visibly struggled to keep his mind on why they were there. When Hawke saw this, she took the mages hand in hers for a moment, calming him almost instantly.<p>

The inner courtyard was not guarded against people entering from outside, but the doors of the tower had a Templar on each side. A Lieutenant saw them enter the yard and walked right over to them. "Is there something I can help you with?"

They had worked out their story on their way into town. "Yes," Hawke replied, "I am an adviser to the King of Ferelden. King Alistair has great faith in the benefits that controlled magical research can offer and has heard that your Circle is the best place for research outside of the Imperium. He sent me with a representative from the Circle," she motioned to Anders, "to see how things are run around here and to determine if we have the resources to do some research as well."

"I didn't hear anything about you coming." The Lieutenant looked skeptically at Hawke.

"King Alistair wanted to make sure the Circle of Ferelden could handle research before applying to the Divine. If you would not like for us to enter, I'm sure if you wrote a letter to the King he would understand and, uh, try to help the Queen to as well." The Champion turned to walk away.

"No, wait! It's not a problem, I'm sure." The tone Lieutenants voice betrayed his fear. Everyone knew the Queen of Ferelden had slain the Archdemon during the last Blight and was the only Grey Warden to ever survive doing so. Rumors of her wrath had spread to the far reaches of Thedas, although there was no validity to them. During his brief encounter working with her, Anders thought she was one of the kindest people he had ever met.

The Lieutenant led them into the tower where a young apprentice greeted them. She couldn't have been more than 15, with long black hair cascading down her back. "Take these people straight to the First Enchanter." The Templar left, shutting the doors behind him.

The apprentice quickly led them higher and higher into the tower. Near the top, they reached a massive door that the apprentice stopped in front of. The girl knocked softly and entered alone. After a moment, she returned, "The First Enchanter can see you now." She said nervously eyeing Anders. Hawke chuckled and led him inside.

The office was quite large with its walls barely visible around the massive bookcases lining room. Strangely, there was no desk, just several large lounge chairs. A small graying man was seated in a large chair that made him look even smaller. "Please come in. Have a seat." He motioned to the other chairs facing him. The apprentice shut the door quietly behind them, leaving the room.

Hawke and Anders sat down. "We are from Ferelden. I am an adviser to-"

"You don't know King Alistair." The First Enchanter cut her off. "The Chantry would not have allowed you to travel with a mage without a Templar escort. Who are you? What do you want?" He sounded more curious than angry.

"We are travelers from Ferelden. We heard that you were doing research into Abominations and are looking for your help." Anders spoke up. "We are looking for a way to cast out a spirit. Can you help us?"

The elderly mage thought for a moment. "Well, we have done quite a bit of work separating demons from their hosts, but unfortunately most of the time the host dies in the process. However, I can't tell if I can help until the Abomination is brought here and the Templars aren't always willing to let them come-"

"I'm already here."

The First Enchanter looked surprised. "You are the Abomination?"

"Technically, yes. However, I am not possessed by a demon but by a spirit of Justice."

"I have heard of people being possessed by spirits. It is often seen as a blessing among mages. If I may ask, why is it you wish to be rid of it?"

"My anger has become his anger." Anders responded simply as he reached over took Hawke's hand in his.

The First Enchanter looked at her, "I see." He looked back at Anders. "Well, as I said before, most of the time the host dies during the extraction. Are you sure this is what you wish?"

"Anders, you don't have to do this." Hawke said softly, looking over at her mage, "We can find a way to-"

"No," He interjected. "I will not risk hurting you." Anders turned back to the elderly mage as Hawke's eyes began to tear. "Let's do it."

The First Enchanter paused before getting up. "Alright. I will have the Lieutenant notified that you will be staying the night. Betina will show you to your room in the top of the tower. We will start in a couple hours." With that, he left the room. The apprentice stood in the doorway waiting for Anders and Hawke to follow her.

Anders rose but Hawke refused to move, her tears threatening to spill down her face. "I don't want to loose you, too." She stammered, looking down. Betina shifted uncomfortably.

Anders knelt down so her face was level with his. "Look at me. Please." She raised her eyes to meet his. "I love you and I'm not going to let Justice hurt you again. If something happens up there, you can still go back and tell them it was all my fault. That I had tricked you or cast spells on you or whatever." He said quietly enough so the apprentice could not hear. "But we need to try. Okay?" He forced a small smile.

Hawke smiled back, nodding. He stood and held a hand out to help her up. She took his hand and rose, allowing him to lead her out of the room and after the young apprentice.


	3. Everything Will Be Alright

AN: Now it starts to get exciting with some minor smut. I promise it will become real juicy in later chapters. Sorry for taking so long with this one. It has been pretty busy at school this last week. This is my first story, so please leave reviews so I can improve! I do not own the rights to Dragon Age or any of it's characters, I'm just a fan-girl. :)

10-1-11: Updated!

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><p>At the top of the tower, the petite Betina lead Anders and Hawke into a small bedroom. The walls were much bearer then downstairs and there were no rugs on the cold wooden floor. On either side of the door sat large lounge chairs that looked as if they had seen better days. Against the far wall were two small beds and a dirty window facing over the Tantervale city walls, looking down into the market. A small stone fireplace sat in a corner with an empty bowl on the ground in front of it.<p>

"Please make yourselves at home. I will bring dinner up to you in a couple hours." And with that Betina shut the door behind her, but not before she took another long look at Anders.

"That apprentice makes me feel like a slab of meat. I can feel her undressing me with her eyes." He let out a small snort.

Hawke sighed. She placed her bag at the foot of one of the beds and sat on it, looking at her feet. "I don't feel good about this." She said rubbing her hands nervously.

Anders sat on the other bed facing her, muttering a small spell to himself so no one could eavesdrop. "I know doing it here may be more risky than what options we may find in Tevinter, but I refuse to hand Justice over to the Magisters."

"I don't want that either. I know I can't talk you out of anything you've got your mind set to, I'm just worried." The Champion began rubbing her hands harder, a habit that immediately told Anders she was keeping something from him. She had always been really easy for the mage to read.

"What's wrong? You've barely talked to me since we left Kirkwall. And what happened last night?"

Hawke's face collapsed into her hands as she started to quietly cry. Anders was taken aback but quickly moved to her side and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Please, just talk to me." He pleaded.

After a moment, she gathered enough strength to start. As the words flooded from her she lost control of her tone. "You shouldn't have blown up the Chantry. I understand why, but there had to have been another way! There weren't just Templars and Clerics in there. There were innocent people inside and on the streets that later were slaughtered in the fight! And it's just as much my fault as it is yours! I should have seen that you were up to something and made you tell me. I shouldn't have helped you gather your supplies and I shouldn't have distracted the Revered Mother. I knew you were up to something that day, but I never thought you could ever hurt anyone. And now all those people's blood is on our hands and I could have stopped it!"

Anders pulled her into his body, loosing concentration on keeping his spell going. "No, you couldn't have. I'm sorry I got you involved. This was not your battle. It's not too late for you to go back and I would not be angry if you did."

"The moment I saw you it became my battle. I would have followed you into the arms of the Darkspawn."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true." Hawke sat up so she could look him in the face, her green eyes meeting his amber ones. "I know I can still go back. I could make up all sorts of horrible things about you and I may even get my estate back. But the thought of a life without you is unbearable." Anders tried to look away but she held his check in her hand. "I love you Anders and I'm not going anywhere without you by my side."

"But I have already caused you to loose so much."

"It was my choice to pursue you. I knew the risks of being with an apostate. All that I have lost has been from my doing, but you are now all that I have left. I don't think I could handle loosing you too." She brought her face up to his, almost touching his lips.

"You won't. I promise everything will be alright." Their lips met, his tongue swimming into her mouth. She moaned softly with delight, her hands moving into his hair. She didn't care as they blackened, a thick layer of ash coating her skin.

Anders let his hands move to the small of her back, pushing himself against her. "Wait, Hawke." He pulled away. "What if someone hears us or comes up here?"

Hawke jumped up and dragged one of the large chairs in front of the door. She turned back around, a large smile full of lust spread across her face. "As for someone hearing, I say let them." She started to yank off her armor, trying to be sexy about it, but the rogue missed a couple buckles in her hurry. When she pulled her leather breastplate up, her arms became stuck with the armor half over her head.

"Maker you're uncoordinated! It's a wonder you can make it through battle." The mage laughed. He rose and unclipped the remaining straps, allowing the armor to slip easily over Hawke's head. She quickly removed his robes and breaches, pushing him back on the bed in his underclothes. Her greaves and boots were off in flash. "Let's hurry. I don't like the idea of that girl walking in on us. I'm afraid she would ask to join."

Hawke giggled at the thought of the teen finding them. She climbed on top of Anders and started kissing his jaw line; her lips slowly making their way back to his. When his hands cupped her ass, the rogue let out a gasp. He flipped them over so he was on top of her and pulled off her small clothes before removing his own. The mage kissed her neck, sending shivers through her body; one hand massaging her breast whilst the other propped himself up off her.

There was just enough room between their bodies for Hawke to reach down to rub the head of his hardened cock. Anders grunted in delight at her touch and fought to keep focus. He knew she would try to draw their enjoyment out but he couldn't give in this time. The mage reached his hand down to her sex to make sure she was wet enough. Hawke arched her hips into him as if to beg him not to stop.

"When we get to Tevinter I will be able to fully satisfy you, love. I'm sorry but this will have to do for now." He spread her legs, gliding his body into position between them. Her eyes lit up in anticipation as her hands wrapped under Anders' arms, resting her hands on his shoulders.

Slowly, he inched himself into her warm body. As he did so, a loud moan escaped from Hawke and her hands tightened their hold. His thrusting quickened and breathing became rabid as his sweat mixed with the ash in his hair, turning his forehead black. She cried out his name each time his tip touched that sweet spot deep inside of her. They came together, fluids mixing as the rogue gave one last primal cry.

Just seconds after her, Anders heard another moan coming from the other side of the door. "Did you hear that?"

"What?" Hawke, still high in her ecstasy, barely noticed when Anders rose off her and pulled on his breaches as the faint pattering of someone running down the hall echoed through the chamber. He moved the chair to one side and yanked open the door.

The hallway was empty and silent. As he turned to go back into the room, Anders spotted something on the floor that had not been there before: a small pair of white underclothes. He picked them up to examine them. Dainty lace fringed around the edges and a small purple flower was stitched into the front.

The mage went back into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him. By now, Hawke had regained control of her self and, still naked, was pulling some breaches and a shirt out of her pack.

"Did you get new underwear?" He asked, holding the white ones up.

Hawke looked up while pulling up her dark brown breaches. "Where did you get those?"

"Right outside the door. I thought I heard something, but this was all I found." He crossed the small room to hand them to the Champion.

She took the underclothes, examining them closely. "Maker, they're tiny! Perhaps someone dropped them while doing laundry?"

"They must have. It's just odd that they were right outside our door." He took them back and tossed them onto a lounge chair. He noticed Hawke's hands and body were covered with a fine mist of ash. "You are a mess! Let me clean you real quick before you put on your shirt."

She looked up at his face. "Careful, you're covered too. And look at the bed!" There was a small black circle where Anders' head had been briefly. The Champion grabbed the blanket and turned it around so the ash mark was facing down onto the mattress. Anders went over to the small bowl and magically filled it with water before bringing it over to the bed.

They sat together on the edge of the bed and took turns washing each other with a small cloth. Hawke was careful not to wipe anymore out of his hair and Anders avoided touching her right cheek.

"You're going to have to add more later tonight to keep the blonde from showing through." Hawke yawned. "Perhaps we can mix the ash with something to make it into a paste. I think that would stay better."

"Like bog water?"

"That would work!" She smiled.

Anders' face crinkled with disgust as he wiped the last of the ash from Hawke's shoulders. "**I** will figure out something later. Maker knows what you would mix up."

"Have it your way, but that stuff mixed up really nicely."

Once clean they pulled on shirts and cuddled together one of the beds, Anders careful to keep his back leaned against the wall. Hawke rested her head in the nook of his arm, placing a hand on his chest as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Exhausted, it wasn't long before they were both off to sleep.

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><p>The sky outside the window had become dark. A small knock at the door woke Hawke from her deep slumber. She slowly got up out of Anders arms; he hadn't heard the door. Slowly, she opened the door.<p>

The First Enchanter stood before her. During their earlier meeting the Champion hadn't realized just how small the man was. He was several inches smaller than her and his robes swept the floor as he walked. "Good evening, Serah. I was hoping to talk to you and your husband about the specifics of the Removal Ritual."

"Yes, of course. Let me just wake him." She liked the idea of referring to Anders as her husband so she didn't correct the elder. The First Enchanter sat in a lounge chair as Hawke sat on the edge of the bed next to her mage. "An-drew," she caught herself, "Andrew, love. Wake up. The First Enchanter wishes to speak to us." She lightly shook his shoulder.

His eyes fluttered open. He smiled as he looked at her before he realized the First Enchanter sitting in their room. Anders quickly sat up and magically lit a fire to lighten the room. He moved to the end of the bed as Hawke sat on the end of the other. "Good evening, Messere."

"You've settled in, I take it?"

"Yes. Thank you again for being willing to help us."

"So, you have not changed your mind?" The little old man asked.

"No, Messere. I have little choice. The spirit has become hard to control in some situations and I would not be able to handle hurting anyone."

"Alright then." The First Enchanter sighed. "I will explain the ritual to you both so you will be better prepared for later tonight. Your wife's dinner will be brought up soon but you won't be eating anything. For you, Serah, there will be an herb to make you regurgitate anything that may be in your stomach. Now," the mage turned to face Hawke, "You cannot give him any of your food. There could be disastrous consequences if he has eaten before the procedure. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Messere." Hawke nodded as some of her worry shown again in her face.

"Good. I will have my apprentice sit with you as you eat. Once everything has come back up she will come find me and we will start. A chair will be brought out into the hall so you-"

"No, I will stay by his side."

"Are you sure? The ritual may seem frightening."

"I'm sure, but thank you for your concern." She gave the old man a small smile to try to make herself look calm, but, although he could see through it, he didn't push it.

He turned back to Anders. "You will be lying on one bed. On the other will be one of our senior enchanters. She is weak and close to death, making her the perfect host for a spirit. I will be performing the ritual, but there will be a couple of our younger mages here to help hold you down as we draw the spirit out; they can sometimes be quite violent, so this will ensure both your safety and that of everyone else in the room. Now, it will be painful, much like having a part of you ripped out. Hopefully, if the spirit is not too combative, once it has left your body you will be back to normal."

Hawke cleared her throat, "First Enchanter. How many people have survived?"

He turned to look at her, a flash of grief moving over his face. "We have attempted the ritual nine times, all with demons. Only two have made it out alive, the first of which became tranquil."

She nodded and focused her eyes on the floor.

"Now, unless you have any other questions, there is much that still needs to be prepared."

"Thank you First Enchanter." Anders stood and shook the old mage's hand.

"Good luck, son." He turned and left them, closing the door behind him.

Anders turned to Hawke. "I need you to promise me something."

"Anything." She couldn't look up at him, afraid that she might break down again. The odds did not sound in their favor.

"If I awake tranquil, I need you to kill me."

"I don't know if-"

"Promise me. You know how I feel about this. Being tranquil is not really being alive. It's like a hell inside your own head."

"Okay. I promise."

The mage grabbed her chin, forcing the rogue to meet his eyes. "Thank you. I don't think it will come to that. Everything will be fine."

He bent down, kissing her lips softly. Hawke opened her mouth slightly and began to suck on his lower lip. Anders leaned his body into hers, starting to climb on top of her when a quiet knock came at the door.

The mage pulled away to open the door. Betina stood in the doorway holding a large tray. Anders motioned her in and she set the tray on the bed next to Hawke. "This is for you, Serah." She handed the Champion a large bowl of chunky stew, which Hawke began shoveling into her mouth. "And this is for you Messere. You should only need to eat a couple bites for it to work." Anders took a small dish of leaves from the girl.

"Thank you. Before I withdraw into my heaving, I found these just outside the door here." He went to the lounge chair where the smalls were sitting and picked them up. When he turned back around he noticed that the apprentice's face was a deep red. "I think someone dropped them while doing the laundry."

"Yes, Messere. That was me." She took them from him, letting her hand briefly brush against his. She was surprised at how rough it was, more like a swordsman than a mage. Betina put the lacy underclothes in her pocket and took a seat in the chair. "There is a chamber pot under the bed that you can throw up in. I'll clean it when you're done."

Anders sat on the bed next to Hawke, pulling the pot out in front of himself. He turned to look at the rogue. She had already finished her bowl and was wiping the juices from her face onto her sleeve. She smiled up at him, "Don't worry, I'll hold your hair back."

"Gee, thanks." Her mage picked up a leaf, studying it before shoving it whole into his mouth. It exploded with minty juices between his teeth that glided down his throat with ease. "These actually aren't bad."

But as soon as it hit his stomach a shot of pain ran through his body, doubling him over. Hawke swooped his ashy hair out of his face as the first wave of heaving over took Anders. A think green goop plopped into the pot at his feet, the taste and the smell making him feel sicker. _How could something tasting so good come back so foul?_

It took several rounds for everything to come up, leaving him weak. Betina got up and grabbed the pot, careful not to look into it. "I will tell the first enchanter you are ready."

"Thank you." Hawke smiled at her as the young apprentice closed the door behind her. "Come on, let's get you lied down." She stood up from the bed and grabbed Anders' legs, swinging them up onto the bed as he laid his head back on the pillow. She leaned in to kiss him but he turned his head away.

"You don't want to do that. That stuff was nasty."

The Champion held his face in her hand, making him face her. "I don't care." There was a sadness in her eyes as she leaned into him. Hawke knew that this could be the last time she could taste him.

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><p><em>AN: I wrote a one-shot companion piece for this chapter named "<em>In the Next Room_" and is told from the perspective of Betina. Rated M for minor smut. _


	4. The Ritual

AN: This is my first story, so please leave reviews so I can improve! If you don't I'll just have to assume I'm doing okay.

10-1-11: Fixed up!

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><p>Hawke sat up as the First Enchanter came into the room leading a small group, an old tome under his arm. Two male apprentices, looking no more than 20, strode to either side of Anders' bed. Betina helped an older woman over to the free bed, where the woman smiled warmly at the Champion before laying on her back.<p>

"Now, are you sure you wish to stay in here? Betina will be sitting outside the door anyway." The First Enchanter asked.

"I'm sure." Hawke stood up before him. "Where should I be?"

The elder mage sighed, "Sit in one of the chairs. You should be out of the way there." Hawke turned and sat in the chair closest to Anders as he gave her a small smile. The First Enchanter turned to the apostate, "Are you ready?"

"Yes, sir." Anders sat up slightly.

The First Enchanter nodded at the young men as Betina left the room. The mages took hold of either side of Anders, pinning him to the bed. The elder man opened his tome and began reading a language Hawke could not understand.

Almost immediately Anders began to thrash against the apprentices, as if trying to squirm away. His body glowed blue as Justice realized what was happening. The mage growled deeply and gnashed his teeth. Anger filled his glowing eyes as the young men struggled to hold him down.

Hawke could barely watch as the First Enchanter continued to recite his spells. Justice had always frightened her and she was unsure if the young mages could hold him back for very long. But the rogue refused to look away, hoping that Anders could still see her through Justice's glow. Part of her wanted to stop the old mage, grab Anders out of the bed and run for the border. However, she knew she couldn't do anything and this was for the best. All she could do was rub her hands together and try to will herself to watch.

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><p>Nothing had changed after an hour. Justice was still struggling against the grips of the teenage apprentices, though their fatigue was starting to show. The First Enchanter was still reciting from the old tome, sweat pouring from his brow. The frail old woman still lay upon the other bed but had not moved in a long while. Hawke had barely looked away from Anders' glowing body. The ritual didn't seem to be working but she didn't want the mages to stop trying.<p>

Suddenly, the First Enchanter raised his staff and pointed it at Justice. Before Hawke could stop him, he directed a bright orange spell into the struggling body, making it convulse in pain as a guttural scream escaped. Hawke clasp her hands over her ears but failed to block out the sound.

As a blue glow lifted up out of Anders body he stopped fighting against the young men and went limp. The glow hovered over the bed for a moment before dashing into the body of the old woman. She arched up in a gasp as Justice entered her before falling back onto the bed.

The First Enchanter closed his tome and moved over to the woman's bedside, kneeling beside her. He waved his hands over her body before turning to Hawke. "The ritual has worked. The spirit has been transferred successfully."

Hawke jumped up from her chair wordlessly, scrambling over to Anders' side. She ran the back of her hand over his forehead and down his cheek before realizing her mage wasn't breathing. "Something's wrong." Panic overtaking her voice.

The young man on the opposite side of the bed bent down, waving his hands over Anders while muttering under his breath. After a moment he turned to the elder mage, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

She couldn't believe him. _No. _"No!" she shouted, tears welling up in her eyes. "No, you're wrong!" The rogue leaned over her mage, making her forced smile even with Anders' face and turned him to face her. "Anders, wake up love." She cooed, struggling to keep the tears from falling. "Come on, wake up. It worked, everything's fine, but now it's time to wake up."

"Miss-" one of the young men started before the other sent him a glare, silencing him before the former could finish his thought. Betina rushed back into the room but stopped short when she saw the couple, bringing her hands to her mouth.

"Anders!" she took hold of Anders' robes on his chest and shook him. "Please, Anders. Please wake up." Her tears began streaming freely down her face as she shook him harder. "Please! Anders please!" She pleaded. Realization hit her. "No. NO! Anders, oh Maker! No…" Hawke rested her head on his chest, her hands still clenched around his robes, forgetting the others in the room.

Her sobs filled the room and flowed out into the corridor. Tears saturated her mage's robes as she cried harder and harder. _He's all I have._

No one noticed when the old woman's eyes slowly opened.

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><p><em>AN: I realize this chapter is much shorter than my others, but due to being so busy in school I think I may start writing shorter chapters to try to update in a more timely fashion. I won't cut anything out of the story; I'll just break it up more. {less than three} Please review!<em>


	5. Justice, In the Flesh

AN: This is my first story, so please leave reviews so I can improve! Without your input I can't tell if it's going okay or horribly, terribly wrong.

10-1-11: Edited! :D Enjoy!

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><p>"Why do you cry?"<p>

Hawke turned to see where the familiar voice had come from only to have two glowing blue eyes meet her green. She gulped in air, trying to steady herself as the body of the old woman sat up on the other bed.

"Why do you cry?" The old woman asked again in Justice's voice, her head cocked to the side.

During her years fighting alongside Anders, Hawke had quickly learned to fear Justice. Even though the spirit seemed calm in its new body, she couldn't stop her anxiety from intensifying her pain. The Champion struggled to find words, unable to stop staring into the spirit's new face.

The First Enchanter finally spoke up, "He didn't survive the extraction." Although his voice was calm and controlled, his eyes betrayed the excitement welling up in him. The old mage couldn't believe he was actually talking with a Spirit of the Fade. _How dare he! Anders still lies warm in my bed. _A loud sob escaped Hawke's throat before she could catch it.

"Yes he did." Justice stated as if it was obvious, still holding his eye contact with crying woman. "You transferred both of us into this body."

Momentarily overcoming her fear of the spirit Hawke sat up straight, letting Anders' robes go so she could fully face Justice. "Can- can you put him back?" She asked, her voice still shaky.

"Yes. Move away from him." The spirit stood as Hawke scrambled to sit at the foot of her mage's bed. Justice placed one hand on Anders' ashy forehead, the other on the lifeless body's stomach, bowing the old woman's head and murmuring an incantation. The woman's hands glowed faintly for a moment as the air filled with electricity.

Hawke held her breath while watching the spirit. Part of her couldn't believe what Justice had said, still finding him untrustworthy. _But I must keep hopeful._ Her hands began rubbing each other again as if of their own will as silent tears still streamed down her cheeks.

Suddenly, the apostate's body levitated of the bed slightly and the blue glow grew brighter. Anders gasped as air filled his lungs before falling back onto the bed. Hawke jumped up as Justice moved away to give her room to be next to her love.

"Anders! Anders, are you okay?" she crawled onto the bed at her mage's side and took his hand.

As he tried to answer her, the mage was taken over by a coughing fit. His chest burned as he struggled for breath. _Maker! What the hell happened? _Anders attempted to sit up, only to fall back against his pillows as his head cried out in a sharp pain. He slowly realized something was missing. _Justice._

Justice answered Hawke from behind her, "He will be fine. He must rest for a couple days, but he should then have his full strength and mana back." The spirit placed one of the old woman's hands on the rogue's shoulder, trying to comfort her the same way he had watched Anders do it on numerous occasions. She shuttered away uncontrollably from his touch before he quickly moved away. He could not blame her for he could feel the fear radiating off of her.

Hawke turned to look up at Justice over her shoulder, a small smile on her face. "Thank you, Justice." She said simply before turning back to Anders.

"Justice," The First Enchanter stood up and walked over to the end of Anders' bed, seemingly already tired of the evening's events. "Would you be willing to help us prefect the ritual? With your knowledge, we would be able to help those mages who are possessed and hopefully prevent so many from being killed or made tranquil."

"Yes, I will." The fade spirit replied, looking over to where the old man was standing. "You have almost got the ritual right. It should just take some minor tweaking to work properly."

The elder mage's face lit up. "Good! Then please follow me to my study so we may start working right away." The First Enchanter turned to Betina, "Could you please fetch some fresh water and food for our guests?" the young woman nodded and followed the old man as he walked out the door. The two young male mages quickly followed suit.

"I'm glad I could bring him back to you. It would not have been fair to you to have lost him as well." Hawke slowly turned to Justice as he spoke to her, surprised to hear the spirit's emotions. "He is all yours now, as he rightfully should be." Justice walked to the door, looking back at the couple briefly before shutting the door behind him.

Hawke stared at the door for a few moments before turning back to Anders. He breathed heavily as he looked up into her face, unable to hide his confusion. She smiled widely as tears began to flow again. "You gave me quite a scare. I thought I had lost you there for a moment."

Anders tried to say something, but his words were engulfed in another coughing fit. She held his hand tighter as her free hand cupped his face. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes.

"Don't speak. You need to rest. I'll tell you what happened tomorrow." The Champion leaned down and softly pressed her lips to his but found herself crying harder as all her pent-up stress from the last couple hours came pouring out, unable to remove herself from their kiss. Anders snaked his free arm around her waist as she began to tremble silently.

A quiet knock sounded on the door before Betina entered carrying a tray with a bowl of water and a small plate of fruit. Hawke quickly sat up straight but would not face the young apprentice. The mage could tell she had interrupted a personal moment and jealously smiled to herself. "Where should I put this, Serah?"

"Anywhere." Hawke answered quickly, still staring into Anders eyes.

Betina walked around the room and placed the tray on the empty bed, trying to sneak a peek at the woman's face. The Champion could tell what the young mage was doing and bowed her head, refusing to let the girl see her continued weakness. It was one thing to cry when your lover has died in front of you, but to continue to do so after he's brought back was not something a trained and hardened warrior did.

The young mage stood up straight, disappointed that she could not be more subtle. "Was there anything else you need?" she tried to sound polite, but utterly failed.

"No. Now leave us." Hawke replied sharply, startling the teen. Betina huffed out of the room, shutting the door loudly behind her. Her footsteps echoed down the hall and Hawke did not speak again until they had faded. "Now," She looked back up into Anders face. "Just lie back and relax. I've got to clean up that ash again."

The Champion stood and grabbed the water bowl and wash cloth, bringing them back to Anders' bed. When she sat, the mage brought his arm back around her waist. Wetting the cloth, she said, "This is going to be really cold." She rung it out and brought it to his forehead. Anders pulled away slightly with a shiver. "I know but you look a mess. I'll make it up to you later, I promise."

Hawke continued wiping the ash streaks from his face as a small smile played across Anders' lips. _What a lucky man I am, _He thought to himself. _Her being here with me is evidence enough that the Maker does not hate mages. _

She caught a glimpse of herself in the water and noticed her tears had melted the makeup off her face, exposing her tattoo. She cleaned her face of the left over streaks. The rogue sighed as she put the bowl and wash cloth back on the tray. "I guess we'll have to both fix ourselves up in the morning." She looked at the fruit and asked, "Are you hungry?" turning back to Anders, who shook his head in reply. "Neither am I. I'll just wrap them for our journey tomorrow." She took her dirty shirt out of her pack and sat on her bed, carefully wrapping the fruit so they would not be squished in her pack.

Anders eyed her from his bed. Her hands were still shaking and her green eyes were still watery. _I wish I could hold her in my arms and tell her I'm okay. Tell her that everything will be okay, that everything is okay. I wish I could tell her that I love her._

Hawke saw Anders watching her as she put the fruit in her pack and slip off her breaches, worry in his face. "I'm fine, I promise. It's been a long day and we both need our rest." She moved over to his bed and pulled the sheets out from under his body. He moaned in pain as the fabric caught on him momentarily. "I'm sorry. You'll likely be sore for the next few days." The Champion kissed the top of her mage's head as she climbed onto the bed next to him, pulling the sheets over both of them. Anders laced his arm back around her waist, pulling her close, as she laid her head on his chest. The rogue smiled to herself as she heard his heartbeat. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Anders replied in a horse whisper as he closed his eyes.

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><p>Justice and the First Enchanter sat across from each other in the mage's office. Justice had listened intently to the elders retelling of the numerous steps the tower had gone through during each failed attempt at the ritual. The spirit was surprised how close the mortals had gotten to getting it right. "It is a simple change, sir, and you should be able to get it right during the next try." The spirit said.<p>

"Thank you so much for helping us. This will do so much good and will save so many lives. The Templars may never have to turn another mage tranquil again!" the First Enchanter smiled as he took another sip from his wine. "Life at the Circle will be much more relaxed when everyone knows the Templars no longer have an excuse to cut us off from the fade."

"Soon there will be no Circle and no Templars." Justice's expression remained the same. It had unnerved the First Enchanter a little that the spirit had not changed emotion since waking up in the old woman's body.

"There is no changing the fact that there is a Circle and that the Chantry runs it, Justice. It is unfortunate but there is nothing that can change it."

"But something has changed and you need to thank that man upstairs. Anders has done what so many could not."

The First Enchanter set his wine glass down and looked at the spirit in confusion. "I'm not sure what you mean. I know I have heard his name somewhere before, but I have no idea why it seems so important or why his wife looks so familiar."

"That woman is not his wife. She is the Lady Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall."

"The Champion? But she was last seen fleeing Kirkwall with-" his face dropped with realization. "with-with that apostate that blew up the Kirkwall Chantry."

The mage quickly stood and left his office, Justice several paces behind him. His anger swelled with each step up the stairs to the top level, his knuckles white from clenching his fists. He swung open the door to the bedroom the couple was staying in, letting it bang against the wall as his anger compounded at the sight of them in the same bed.

"How dare you bring your trouble here!"

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><p><em>AN: Okay, I guess I lied before when I said the chapters would be shorter. I have finals coming up in a couple weeks and lots to do before them so I may not be able to post before mid-June. But I will surely try! Also, I felt this uncontrollable urge to kill of Anders while writing this and the last chapters but I kept to the plot. So I decided to write another story about if Hawke lost Anders at some point during DA2 named <em>I Don't Wanna Know_, so please read that one as well! I know, shameless self advertisement :D_


	6. Bending the Rules

10-1-11: All ready for me to start on chapter 7! Like I said, hopefully I'll have it up in the next week or two. Enjoy!

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><p>Hawke woke with a jolt that sent her careening over the side of the bed. Anders sat up too quickly, another coughing fit shaking his body. Both wearily eyed the elder mage looming over them at the foot of the bed.<p>

"You could bring the Templers down upon us! What were you thinking?" the First Enchanter sputtered angrily, his fisted hands faintly glowing red.

"Messere please, we can explain-" Hawke began, trying to cover her legs with her shirt.

"I have had enough of you, harlot." The elder turned on her. "How long do you expect until someone recognizes you? You have become legendary throughout the Free Marches; it's by sheer _luck _that no one has stopped you!"

"Don't you talk to her like that." Anders spoke up in a tone that would have sounded dangerous had his voice not been so hoarse.

The First Enchanter turned back to the bedridden mage, "And you! You've set back the view of mages to the time of the fall of the Imperium. I'm surprised the Templers haven't turned on us yet. No, you both must leave. Now! I will not keep my Circle in danger over _you_." When the couple didn't move, he yelled, "GET OUT!"

Hawke scrambled up off the floor and pulled her breaches on before starting to strap her armor in place. She continued scurrying around the room, pulling things out for Anders and double checking their packs, as her mage slowly edged himself to the side of the bed. He slowly tried to stand but as he straightened, fell to the floor with a crash. Hawke dropped the piece of armor she was working with and ran to his side.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." Hawke helped get him back onto the edge of the bed before flashing wide eyes back at the elder mage. Anders sprawled out, hiding his face into his pillow as he heaved heavily.

Justice, having been watching from the door, walked into the room to stand next to the First Enchanter. "Sir, Anders doesn't yet have the strength to go anywhere, especially in the middle of the night. You should allow them to stay until morning, when he will be able to heal himself enough to walk. If your Templers haven't figured them out by now, they still won't by morning."

The first enchanter studied the couple for a moment, debating. He heaved a deep sigh, "Fine. Betina will come to get you at dawn. You are not to leave this room until she comes. And you, Serah," his eyes met Hawke's, "are to stay in your own bed. If a Templar was to see you two like that he would kill you on the spot." He turned at walked past Justice into the hallway.

Hawke's body relaxed with relief, "Thank you, Messere." She called after him. "And thank you, Justice. We would not have been able to get very far."

Justice placed his hand on her shoulder, "It would not have been just for him to turn away one of his own in need." A small smile played across his face before he left.

Hawke turned back to Anders and pulled the covers over his still tired body. She kissed the top of his head and began stripping off her armor. The mage turned his head enough to watch her. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be, Anders. There's nothing to be sorry about. I was planning for us to leave tomorrow anyway and the first enchanter is just worried-"

"No, I mean I'm sorry for letting him talk to you like that." Anders paused in confusion as Hawke walked to the far side of her bed and began pushing it towards his own. "What are you doing?"

"He-he said-to sleep in-in my own bed." She huffed out between grunts. The mage felt his bed shake as the other collided with it. The rogue stood up straight, wiping her hands on her breaches. "And that's exactly what I'm doing."

Anders shot her a worried look.

"What?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea."

She sighed and crawled under her covers. "He said that girl is going to come get us. The First Enchanter won't even see, I promise." Hawke reached a hand out and cupped her mage's cheek. "Now, try to go back to sleep." His hand lightly gripped her own before they slipped back out of consensus.


	7. Author's Note

Just a quick Author's Note:

I know I haven't undated this story in roughly a year, and I am terribly sorry for anyone who started it and liked it! I lost my plot and it never really came back to me. Now, I'm not really sure what to do with this story, but I've already put so much work into it that I don't want to just abandon it….

I am completely open to ideas as to what happens next. If I use any of them I will credit you with it in said chapter. OR if someone has an idea for the complete story, I'd be willing to discuss handing it over to you. PLEASE DO NOT JUST RUN OFF WITH THIS BEFORE CONTACTING ME!

In other news, has been deleting a lot of the more MA stories lately without letting authors know a head of time. If this suddenly disappears, that's why. I also heard a rumor that some of the people who decided what stories are deleted will just kick off stories of couples/plots they don't like, regardless of rating. I have no idea if that's true, but apparently there are postings of these people's conversations up on different sites and my sister has read them. Either way, I have been moving my stories over to archiveofourown, so if they get kicked from here at least they are still somewhere. If you are interested in following me on AO3, I am using the same username (FlyingPigMonkey).

Again, I am so sorry for not updating. Have a wonderful day and I hope to see you on AO3!


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